Fuck. That.

I read somewhere that 9 out of 10 business fail. So out of every business that someone imagines in this world and take the time to create they only have a tenth of a chance to be successful. That can be more than a little unnerving. It's especially unnerving for me since I started Sugar Snaps Studios at 21. I can honestly say it's not what I expected to do and it hasn't turned out to be everything I expected it to be. When I first started it I was focused on the work and then life took the wheel and it became nothing, but a job. I wasn't excited about it I was just trying to make money. When I realized what I had done I sat down and said Fuck that. If I just wanted to make money I could have kept working at clubs or went to Wal-Mart of McDonalds. Don't get me wrong money plays a factor in life, but it's not what it's all about. Sugar Snaps wasn't panning out in a way that I wanted it to be. That's when I started #COLORS and I love this blog. It's given me an opportunity to speak, giving me a voice and a chance to meet so many amazing people. #COLORS is supposed to be an acronym for Creative Out Looks Of Real Sisters, but lately finding "sisters" to work with has been an issue. Now I still want that to be the backbone of the blog, but I also don't want to watch this go up in flames while I wait on people that don't seem interested in taking it seriously. So you know what I have to say about it? Fuck that. The show must go on. #COLORS will continue just like Sugar Snaps has stayed. Nothing that I've embarked on has turned out as I anticipated, but that's life and it's the one I've chosen. Well at least a piece of the life that I've chosen. With everything that I've started I worried that I'd fail. I don't know anyone that has tried something new and wanted to branch out to be different that didn't experience that thought. I can't speak for everyone, but you know what's more terrifying then actually failing? The fear of failure almost paralyzes me every day when I wake up and realize that I haven't made it to my dreams just yet. This feeling of possibly failing has hit an alarming high rate this week. One of my latest creative ventures is starting to take shape. The key contributor for it showed up in the mail and I felt a rush of exhilaration that lasted all of 5mins. The rush was washed away with the flooding paralyzation of fear that lasted for hours. I think it's only natural that when you get close to a dream you start to second guess yourself. It's really hard when you don't feel the love and support from the people around you either. I sat in my rooms staring at the equipment wondering if this was the right plan and the best idea. I was literally frozen on my bed and all I could picture was myself failing and hearing the negative words everyone would have to say. It brought me to tears. What I had to remind myself that there isn't much difference between people rooting for your failure and people cheering you on. At the end of the day it's nothing, but noise. I have to choose how to take them. It’s never an easy task especially when the people that are waiting on you to fail are your own family and friends. You know what you have to say? Fuck that. When your family says encouraging words, but they not so secretly would prefer that you just go the "safer" route. Get a job, go to school, but Fuck that. I guess they're forgetting that there are thousands of college graduates still working at McDonalds and hundreds of people with PhDs on the verge of homelessness. Now I don't have a problem with going to school, but don't make it seem like it's the answer to all my problems either. I'm going into more and more debt with every class that I take, but that's the only way people believe I'll be rich & successful enough to make it out of poverty. Seems a little fishy to me, but if you say so. I'd rather say Fuck that and take my chances going after my dreams. Yes that dreamS because I have way more than one. That's something that a person I have loved more then I love myself most days brought to my attention. Sweetly saying that baby you doing "too" much, just get a job doing Sugar Snaps. At first I agreed, but after thinking on it I have two words. Fuck. That. For you to say I'm doing too much means that a piece of you believes that I won't be able to accomplish everything that I'm setting out to do. Which coming from anyone else I would probably be able to handle, but from a person that you love unconditionally is really just a slap in the face. If you don't believe in me that's your mistake because the one thing I refuse to do is settle. You may think I'm doing too much, I don't think I'm doing enough. Fuck that. Starting today, right now I no longer give two fucks about what anyone has to say about my goals. Supportive or not. The thoughts and words of others will no longer affect me. Fuck that. I don't have time to pacify anyone's ego or anyone's fear except my own. I am going to be a selfish bitch like everyone around me has chosen to be. Especially since no one is looking to do it for me. I will worry about nothing, but my dreams, my life, my happiness, my failures and my success. I understand this won't be easy for me I have what some say is a big heart. I've been willing to sacrifice myself, my dreams, and my happiness to ensure others could keep their egos, others could focus on their goals and others have a smile. No more. Fuck That. I dare you ladies be bold enough, be brave enough, be enough of a bad bitch to say fuck that. I'll see you ladies next week.