Rose from Concrete.

I woke up today and felt like I was a failure. I just didn’t see how any of the accomplishments that I’ve created for myself mean anything in real life. I have thousands of instagram followers, I have a ton of photos in my modeling portfolio, I am still in school, and for over a year I’ve taken care of myself without punching a clock. Seeing these things on paper I thought would make me feel better and more accomplished, but they just made me feel empty and mediocre. How is that a girl going after her dreams can’t see her own progress? I accomplish something towards my goals everyday, but yet I can’t enjoy them. It seems that every baby step is pointless because I’m taking them while going uphill on Mount Everest and it seems like I’ll never make it to the top this way. All of the obstacles that I keep picturing and the anxiety I feel waiting to know if anything that I’ve been working towards will work or at least be acknowledged and accepted has me feeling like I’m drowning. Trying to accomplish your goals really can feel like trying to swim while you’re being bonded down with weights. As easy as it would be to just give in and succumb to the pressure to go under I had to remind myself the difference between failure and growth. I felt like I had accomplished nothing, but then I remember where I started. No, all of my attempts haven’t been successful and a few even set me back, but the truth of the matter is I’ve gotten further then most. That doesn’t make me better then them, but I do think it has made me stronger. I realized that instead of judging myself off what others are doing with their lives and accomplishments I need to focus on what I’ve done, where I’ve grown, and what I’ve accomplished. If I continue to base my opinion and worth on the statistical standards of success I’ll always feel like a failure. I need to judge myself on the accomplishments I’ve created for myself. No one has lived my life, come from my exact situations and accomplished what I’ve accomplished. We all have our own journeys so we can’t base our success off of others success. You’ll never be happy that way. Blue Ivy was a born a billionaire, thanks to her parents. She can spend her entire life carefree without having to stress for a second. Unfortunately that’s not the life that I was given. I wasn’t born at the top, but I am determined to get there. I can’t let myself be discouraged by what I haven’t gotten yet. I just accept the things that I have. I mean how does the little girl that hid her nappy hair, crooked smile, and dark skin now face the camera with enthusiasm. How does the same girl that never spoke up can publish her thoughts and personal journey to a blog and allow strangers to read them. How does the clumsy girl with just enough common sense to get by manage to start her own business at the age of 21? It’s amazing how even the most obvious of success stories can still seem like failures. It’s similar to the rose that grew from concrete. To some a flower that has managed to bloom and be beautiful and vibrant in an area where you were surely expected to die is a miracle. To others it may seem like a waste of beauty because it’s not from the right area. To me being a rose from concrete is nothing, but a story of strength and dedication. To fight against all the odds and grow in spite of what’s against me isn’t a miracle it’s determination. Everyone looks at the rose in awe, but no one takes the time to fully examine the circumstances. Know one likes to think of the rose as anything more then beauty, but to be the rose in the situation is completely different. How am I suppose to feel knowing I will never be apart of a garden, but I’ll forever be in this concrete alone. If I allow the thought to consume me I’ll never understand the worth that I brought to the concrete. I’ll never see how I was appreciated for brining beauty and light to an area full of darkness. What I had to remember is that while my rose may not last, I’ve at least made it possible for more roses to blossom where I once stood. So ladies as much as it hurts at times trying to accomplish your goals, as lonely as you may feel, and crazy as you may seem know that you are a rose in concrete. No matter if you failed to grow in the right place you still grew and your beauty is still an inspiration. Your failures are helping you grow and your strength is what makes you maintain. So heads to the sun and let your beauty be a blessing to the world. Stay lovely ladies, until next time.