S.I.N.G.L.E
Going through a breakup is probably the worst fucking emotional roller coaster a person will ever experience. Trust me I'm experiencing it first hand. You go through so many phases most influenced from anger & depression. I mean one second you’re fine, then you’re livid, then you’re calm, then you’re doing the ugly cry into your pillow. Now while your emotions may vary throughout the process the patter is typically the same. Phase one, Shade. It's bound to happen. You are with someone for 3 and 1/2 years then they just end it? Shade is sure to be thrown. Not just on no petty shit either. You begin to bring out the deepest darkest spiteful shit that you never said because you're hurt beyond words can express. The shade phase will be entertaining for your friends, especially if you allow it on social networks. The indirect memes, shade. Slick captions & comments, shade. The removal of yall pictures together, shade. Adding bomb ass selfies, shade. The random cute guy & girl that begins to appear in your pictures, shade. So much shade you just become blind. Now shade can go on for weeks maybe months, but all good things must come to an end. After a while being spiteful & shadeful gets old that's when you begin stage two. Independent. You have had your fun & now you're ready to get down to business. You give yourself that speech that every girl goes to. "I just need to focus on me, work, & school " Now a lot of people like to consider it the bullshit speech, but really it's the truth. It just connects that you gave your best effort to your relationship & the shit just didn't work. So fuck it. You put on your big girl panties and say I'm going to take care of me. The independent phase is probably my favorite because you get that superwoman I can conquer the world attitude that you thought you lost in the relationship. Once you start getting your life together & actually have the ability to breathe again this is when the ex normally tries to slide, skip, hopscotch, moon walk, jump, fly, skate, ride, or step back in again. I like to refer to this as the Negotiation phase. It's a pretty standard belief that guys have delayed reactions to break ups. At first it's great, they're going out with their boys, turning up, going shopping for just themselves, it’s not hair, bras and tampons invading their space and best of all they get to flirt & fuck the little thottie they been admiring on the low. After a while though it start to get old, he starts to reflect and if he really gave a fuck about you in anyway he starts to miss you. That's when you get that annoying stupid bullshit ass "hey stranger" text or social media comment. I fucking hate that shit. Now in the negotiation phase things can be pretty tricky. It's like walking through land mines, any given second this shit can go wrong explode and you can die. Everything in the negotiation phase comes with A&B choices. When he hits you up you can either A-respond or B-ignore it. Now most girls that were really in love choose A. If you choose B then congratulations girl you are officially on some fuck that nigga shit. Unfortunately most of us still have a secret hope or just pure curiosity and pick A. I don't know why, but we do. Now since you've selected to acknowledge him you get to the next A&B option. A-Be civil & casual or B- Go the FUCK off. When you choose A you keep things light, just a causal catch up on life. Choosing B you get to say all the things you forgot to say when yall were breaking up. In all honesty these two options are really intertwined at least in most cases. If you choose A eventually his dumb ass will say some shit that will lead you to B. If you start at B you eventually calm yourself down to A once you've said all that you needed to say. After you have had your fit & finished he normally starts with his negotiations. A-Can we be friends or B-Can we get back together. Heads up to the ladies that don't know, but both are pure bulllllllshitttttttttt. This nigga does not want to be your friend; he wants to reserve you and spy on you. Holding the name friend over it makes that easier because now he can keep tabs on who you are talking to and encourage you to not trust that nigga. He will know how you are doing and what you are doing. Plus there is always the chance of the occasional drunk night that he gets to smash again. This is every niggas dream; it’s the relationship without the title. He can come and go as he pleases, but still keep you close without having to be tied down. Don’t fall it girl. Now if he asks to get back together... I can't say what to do or give an opinion because every relationship is different. There is a chance he may be genuine or he may just be full of shit only you know that. One thing I can say is it leads you to the next phase, Guarded. If you do get back together I hate to say it, but things will never be what they were. There is a chance they'll be better then before, but there is a 99.99991% chance is you'll spend the rest of the relationship guarded. That is natural. I mean this nigga left once who's to say he won't do it again? You want to let him in, but the fear of having to start over in the shade phase or hearing the ‘I told you so’ from your friends is crippling. If you decided not to get back together and stayed friends or just moved on you'll still be in the guarded phase. That's expected when you had your heartbroken. No one wants to go through that again. It's the worst most agonizing non-existent pain you'll go through. I mean you aren't physically hurt, but your mental, your spiritual & emotional self has been damaged. You are completely ruined. You have to shut down shop & repair. I mean you can't fix something if it's still open for business. That’s like trying to paint you toes and try on shoes at the same time. The shit just doesn’t work. Now the suck part about the guard phase is you enter the lonely stage. You begin missing that person you use to have, the friendship, the sex, the bond, the sex, the laughs, the sex, the happy memories, the sex, just the good times. Especially the sex. Now once you get to the lonely phase every woman handles it differently. There are generally three types of lonely. The friendly lonely, the annoying lonely & the bitchy lonely. The friendly lonely are the ones that turn up and have late drunk nights at the bar that lead to the random hookups in the car. The annoying lonely would be the ones that bring the recruits and whine to their friends. They are more then happy to help, but after a while they'll be tired of hearing about it. The bitchy lonely would be the fuck niggas get money girls. They'll go to the bar and hang out with their girls, but good luck getting her to dance with that guy let alone getting his number. Often times the bitchy girls are also seen as bitter, but that’s bullshit. There is no right or wrong way to be in the lonely phase you just have to do whatever works to get you through. Now the last phase of a breakup is Evolution. You did it. You made it through. You have evolved into a new person. You have forgiven and you're ready to start again. You keep your independence, but you’re less guarded. You open up just a little. Maybe acknowledge the cute guy that likes all your Instagram pictures or the one at the gym that watches you do squats. Who knows he may turn out to be Prince Charming or he could just be another chapter of the book. Regardless you can finally take the time to find out. I'm nowhere near evolution yet, I just finished shade and started independent. I still have a long journey in front of me, but one thing I know is that it’s a journey. I maybe hurt & I might cry, but I know I will never give up on love just like I won't give up on my dreams. So if you’re going through it just hold on, it’ll be over soon. Thanks for reading ladies, check out my best breakup playlist below! Stay lovely.
The Playlist:
Anything by Adele
Anything by Drake
Ashley- Big Sean
#1- Kelly Rowland
Not Gon Cry- Mary J Blige
It Kills Me- Melanie Fiona
I Can’t- Lyfe Jennings
Trust and Believe- Keyshia Cole
Go- Elle Varner
Brand New- Jazmine Sullivan
Wrong Side of a Love Song- Melanie Fiona
Resentment-Beyoncé
Pulling Me Back- Chingy feat Tyrese
Emotions- Destiny Child
Holdin You Down- Jazmine Sullivan
Stop the Clock- Elle Varner
Me, Myself & I – Beyoncé
Runaway- J.Cole
Sabotage- Wale feat Lloyd
10 Seconds- Jazmine Sullivan
Unappreciated- Cherish
Deserve- Teairra Mari
Bust You Windows- Jazmine Sullivan
Ain't Think About You-Chris Brown & Bow Wow
Before He Cheats- Carrie Underwood
We Are Never Getting Back Together- Taylor Swift
Irreplaceable- Beyoncé
Ring The Alarm- Beyoncé
Boss Ass Bitch- Nicki Minaj
Independent- Webbie
IDFWY- Big Sean
Get TF Out my Face- Rich Homie Quan
Knuck if you Buck- Crime Mob